Flash Fiction Challenge: Tuxedo No. 2

tuxedo2

 

 

 

Once again, a flash fiction challenge at Terribleminds. This time, we got a list of cocktails, and with the help of a random number generator, I got Tuxedo No. 2 as the title of my story.

Enjoy!

 

Tuxedo No. 2

“Hello, Mr. Tuxedo. You look very elegant tonight.”

“Why, thank you, Mrs. Tabby. You look fine, as well.”

“Don’t you two ever get bored?”

“No, Mr. Black, we do not. It is all about manners. If Mr. Tuxedo looks elegant, he should be complimented for it.”

“And Mrs. Tabby should be complimented for her fine looks as well.”

“But you always look the same! Both of you! We always look the same! We’re not humans to change our furs all the time, so what’s the point in repeating the same words every single day?”

“Now, now, Mr. Black. If us acting like civilized cats bothers you, why don’t you just go back to the top shelf you like so much? Wouldn’t it be better for everyone involved?”

“It would, Mrs. Tabby, and I’ll do it as soon as I share the news with you.”

“Oh? And what news would that be, Mr. Black?”

“There’s another Tuxedo.”

“Oh, come on now, Mr. Black! You can’t be serious!”

“That is correct, Mr. Black! It’s pure nonsense! I’m the only Tuxedo!”

“Not anymore, Mr. Tuxedo. Oh, should I still call you Mr. Tuxedo? Or are you Mr. Old Tuxedo now?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Black. Mr. Tuxedo isn’t old!”

“He’s older than the new one.”

“What! Are they trying to replace me with a younger tom?”

“This one’s not a tom yet, he’s just a kitten. They seem to like him very much. They even let him on the bed!”

“It can’t be, Mr. Black! We’re not allowed on the beds!”

“That is true, Mrs. Tabby, we are not. The new Tuxedo is.”

“Not for long!”

“Now, now, Mr. Tuxedo, this kitten may be an impostor, but don’t do anything rash!”

“It would be rash to do nothing!”

“Oh, dear. There he goes. Was it something I said?”

“Do you always have to be such a troublemaker, Mr. Black?”

“I don’t have to, but I certainly enjoy it, Mrs. Tabby. Should we go and see what our friend Mr. Tuxedo is up to?”

“We should certainly go and see that he stays out of trouble. Tell me, Mr. Black, is it even true? Did they really get a new kitten?”

“Mrs. Tabby, you wound me! I always tell the truth, you know that. Yes, there’s a new kitten, and it’s a Tuxedo.”

“Oh, dear. You should have been more careful with that information. You know how sensitive Mr. Tuxedo is.”

“It’s not my fault he feels threatened by a tiny little kitten.”

“Now you’re the one repeating the same thing every single day, Mr. Black. Nothing is ever your fault.”

“But I do make you laugh, don’t I, Mrs. Tabby?”

“That you do, Mr. Black. That you do. Oh, what’s that noise?”

“Wait here, I’ll take a look.”

“You don’t really expect me to sit here while you’re having all the fun watching our friend, do you, Mr. Black?”

“I was just concerned for your safety, Mrs. Tabby. If you wish to watch, by all means, come and do so. It is entertaining. Our friend keeps hissing at this tiny little kitten.”

“Would you look at that, Mr. Black, the brave little fellow is hissing right back at him!”

“Serves him right. Hissing at little kittens, really.”

“Oh. Oh! We better run, Mr. Black, or they’ll think we’ll give them trouble, too!”

“Or maybe we could let them stumble over us, they do seem angry.”

“Mr. Black!”

“You like the idea, don’t you?”

“That’s not the point! Come here, right now! Quick!”

“I’m afraid it’s too late, Mrs. Tabby, they’re coming and…”

“Oh! Mr. Black!”

“I told you it would be fun to let them stumble!”

*

“I can’t believe the two of you! You attack a little kitten, you let one of our humans stumble over you! How old are you two, really? And now they locked us all!”

“You wound me, Mrs. Tabby. Do you detest our company so much?”

“Not a word, Mr. Black! Not a word!”

“Oh, stop complaining. They locked us up in the kitchen with our bowls full of food, it’s not like we’re going to starve to death.”

“I said not a word!”

“Whatever.”

“Look at him, Mr. Tuxedo. Up there on the highest shelf, ignoring us.”

“You did tell him to shut up, Mrs. Tabby.”

“I didn’t tell him to occupy the highest place in the kitchen!”

“He always occupies the highest place available, and stays there. You know that, Mrs. Tabby.”

“Except when he comes down to cause trouble.”

“True, but I don’t have to fall for it every time.”

“You say that every time after you fell for it.”

“Oh, shut up, Mr. Black.”

*

“What’s that smell?”

“What smell?”

“I don’t believe the two of you! You’re both lower than me, and you’re moping so much you haven’t smelled the smoke?”

“He’s right, Mr. Tuxedo. I smell smoke too.”

“And it’s getting stronger.”

“Yes, Mr. Black, we noticed.”

“Do you think there’s a chance they’re awake?”

“No, Mrs. Tabby, not at this time of the night.”

“Oh, dear. What do we do?”

“They haven’t actually locked the door, Mrs. Tabby, they just closed it, and you’re the best at opening it.”

“Do you think we should?”

“Of course we should! It smells like there’s a fire in the house!”

“You seem very concerned for a troublemaker, Mr. Black.”

“I enjoy causing trouble, Mrs. Tabby, not letting people burn alive. Or getting burnt myself, for that matter. Now, go open the door!”

“Do you think they’ll hear us if we start being very loud?”

“Doesn’t hurt to try, Mr. Tuxedo. MEOW!”

“MEOW!”

“MEOW!”

“MEOW!”

“The door is open, gentlemen.”

“You definitely deserve a compliment now, Mrs. Tabby. Let’s go and wake them!”

“MEOW!”

“MEOW!”

“Oh, good, they’re waking. Hey, where’s the little one?”

“They’re running to his room now, Mr. Tuxedo.”

“Not the boy, Mr. Black. The little turd.”

“Oh. I don’t see him. Hey, kid, where are you?”

“Little one? We won’t hurt you. You have to come out, wherever you are.”

“We won’t hurt you, little turd. There’s a fire in the house, you have to get out.”

“Kiddo? Shit, I can’t see a damn thing in this smoke.”

“Gentlemen, the humans got out of the house, but the little one isn’t with them. The boy is crying for them to come back for us, but they’re afraid.”

“Humans. All right, let’s split up and find the little turd. Mrs. Tabby, you search this floor. Mr. Black, search the basement. I’ll go look on the second floor.”

“Got it!”

*

“Are you all right, Mrs. Tabby?”

“I’m fine, Mr. Black, but I haven’t found the little one.”

“I haven’t found him, either.”

“I wish humans would let us go, I can’t breathe when they’re squeezing us like this. Mrs. Tabby, where’s Mr. Tuxedo?”

“He’s still in the house, I’m afraid.”

“What’s he, stupid? He’ll suffocate in there! Hey, human, let me go!”

“Do you want to suffocate, too?”

“Damn.”

“Please stop swearing, Mr. Black.”

“Oh, do shut up, Mrs. Tabby. Mr. Tuxedo! Mr. Tuxedo! TUXEDO, YOU IDIOT!”

“Look, there he is!”

“Bloody idiot! And he’s got the kid, too! HEY, IDIOT, OVER HERE! HERE! WE ARE HERE!”

“Please stop yelling, Mr. Black.”

“Don’t be mad at him, Mrs. Tabby. I got confused in all the smoke. If it wasn’t for his yelling, I wouldn’t have found the way out.”

“Glad to be of service. Idiot. So you risked your life for a little Tuxedo impostor, huh? What do we call him now?”

“You can call me Tuxedo.”

“No, we can’t, little one. This here is Mr. Tuxedo.”

“That’s right, Mrs. Tabby. I’m the only Mr. Tuxedo here.”

“Little Mr. Tuxedo? Mr. Tuxedo Junior? Or Mr. Impostor?”

“Be serious, Mr. Black. We can’t call him Mr. Impostor. That’s not polite.”

“Fine. Let Mr. Tuxedo name him. He saved him, after all.”

“Very well. But no calling him ‘little turd’.”

“Oh, no, Mrs. Tabby. We’ll call him Mr. Tuxedo No. 2.”

“The two of you are impossible.”

“The three of us, if we raise him right.”

“What was that, kid? What did you say?”

“Do you think they’ll be mad I pooped in their shoes?”

“The three of us. Definitely.”

“It hurts me to say this, but I agree, Mr. Black.”

“Glad to be of service, Mr. Tuxedo.”

 

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Author:

A writer, a reader, a dreamer. Dreaming myself into existence.

2 thoughts on “Flash Fiction Challenge: Tuxedo No. 2

  1. Fascinating! And great characterisation since I always knew who was who (of course using the names politely helped too!)

    Like

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