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Kitty Sings the Blues

A kitty singing. Or yawning, more likely.
A kitty singing. Or yawning, more likely.

No, this isn’t about me actually singing. You don’t want to hear me doing that. Believe me.

This is about the other blues. Feeling blue. Not so bad I’d need professional help, but not good, either.

When feeling blue hits, it gets difficult. You don’t really see it from the outside, and if you’ve never experienced it, it may be hard to understand, so I’m trying to raise awareness here, through a blog only a chosen few read. 😆

The person in front of you doesn’t look like he/she is in pain, or suffering in any way. Doesn’t look cheerful, either, but nobody is always cheerful anyway. Mostly seems lazy. You might wish for him/her to just get up already and do something useful.

Well, getting up and doing something is the difficult part. If it’s necessary to go to work (otherwise you’ll lose your job), or buy groceries (otherwise you’ll starve to death), or cook (otherwise you and your family won’t have a decent meal), or take care of kids, yeah, you’ll do it. And while doing it, you’ll feel slightly better. And as soon as you sit down to get some rest, the blues hits again.

If it’s not about doing something necessary – say, if it’s about writing that novel, and writing novels is not your day job – it turns out that, somehow, you never quite get to it. You think about it, sure. You feel bad about not doing it. But you still don’t do it.

It’s not terribly bad, but it’s not good, either.

So, what to do about it? What can be done?

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional, and I can’t give a competent medical advice. I can only tell what works or doesn’t work for me.

In my case, the big part of it is a thyroid gland problem, the Hashimoto’s disease. So I wait for the increased dose of the meds to kick in, which takes weeks.

Physical activity helps some. It gives you a firm(ish) body, which makes you feel good about it, and if you choose the one you find fun, you’ll enjoy doing it even when it’s difficult (if you’re out of shape, it will be hard). If you choose the one you don’t find fun, you won’t enjoy it, it will become yet another tiresome task, and you’ll feel bad whether you keep doing it or quit (unless after quitting you choose something you actually stick to). Careful, though; if you overdo it, you risk injury, and you also risk quitting because you’re way too exhausted to do anything but breathe.

Having a job or tasks you have to do also helps, because it forces you to move, and moving and doing something eases it a bit. After doing it, though, you might feel both blue and tired. Achieving something (Hey, I made lunch! Hey, I finished this day’s work!) does very little to help.

Beating yourself on the head and trying to blame yourself into doing what you intended to do doesn’t help. Then again, it never does, does it?

Waiting it out helps. It doesn’t last forever. It will pass (if it doesn’t, medical assistance might be necessary). Waiting is no fun, but waiting it out is doable, and sometimes doable is what counts.

And… That would be pretty much it. No miracle cure (I’m not in the business of selling the snake oil, sorry). No magic wands. Just going through the day, and then the next one, and the next; and doing what you can, including at least some stuff you enjoy.

And remembering that this, too, will pass.

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Being Fit Is the Plan, the Plan Is to Write

A fencing lesson
A fencing lesson

There I was, thinking I had it all figured out, more or less. I would finally sit down and write the book I had in mind for quite a while, and then I’d write the other books I got the ideas for in the meantime. Oh, and I’d translate what I had written already, and publish it too.

Great plan, really. There was one problem, though: it didn’t work. I wasn’t writing.

I felt sluggish. A few extra pounds (still within the officially healthy range, but my knees were beginning to disagree), things which were supposed to happen but didn’t, maybe my thyroid gland was giving me trouble already without me being aware that’s why I felt so blue…

I tried a few things I thought might make me feel better. Switching to Ubuntu – hey, learning something new is always good. Dying my hair blond. Taking fencing lessons.

Well, I got used to Ubuntu pretty quickly, since it’s not like I’m doing something complicated. Being a blonde amused me for only so long, and I began to miss my natural brown hair. Fencing lessons turned out to be a great idea, so I’ll keep doing that. I managed to get in better shape and lose some pounds, and my knees stopped giving me trouble. And fencing is fun.

At some point during the fencing lessons, I noticed I was getting tired way too quickly. It happened during the June heat wave, so I hoped that might be the cause, but I went to the lab anyway, to check things out.

It turned out my thyroid gland was playing tricks on me again. My doctor increased my levothyroxine dose, so I’m waiting for it to kick in (it takes a few weeks).

Waiting for this, waiting for that… I feel like I spend way too much time waiting instead of doing.

So, I’m doing something. I’m writing this post. Then I’ll go and translate one of my stories. Flash fiction, perhaps, but that’s a start.

I’m not a fan of making plans – when I do make them, I tend to ignore them. But this time I do have a plan. A long-term one. Getting fit and writing. Mens sana in corpore sano, and all that jazz. I may slip from time to time, but since the plan is a long-term one, it’s no biggie. I’ll just get up and keep moving, and hopefully get there someday.

Well. I’m off to translate some fiction of my own. See you all later, and take care.